I had this post go live last week…and then took it down. I got a little scared that it was too revealing, too honest, just too everything – for me! I have an intense internal fire and this posting had an outer expression that I didn’t know how to dance with. So, with the love and support of several friends, I have decided to repost.

Here goes…

I have received some reactions to my last blog posting “To Die. To Awaken.” That it was intense but beautiful and too personal and revealing.

The process of death itself is usually an intense process whether it is an ending of a life, a journey with plant medicine meeting your death, or the evolution of waking up (dying to the old self/ego). And death can also be very beautiful – the surrender, the letting go and the acceptance and peacefulness that can take place. In our culture, death is not very often a subject of discussion.

And then there’s Truth. There’s a whole spectrum of truths. The ah-ha moments of I hear you, totally get what you’re saying, it rings true, it resonates, I’ll try it on. And then there’s deep truth that hits you on a cellular level. It’s so deep and true tears come unexpectedly. And it’s not simply the words. There is an energy holding up this truth. Once this happens, something inside of you wakes up and there’s no turning back. We could call this the spiritual path. We could call it evolution. It has many names but the purpose of this truth is to awaken.

I have recently joined an on-line forum that is pushing me beyond my edges. We are a large group of over 1,200 people that are committed to waking up.

This is about the evolution of self. Awareness waking up to itself.

This blog and my journey are not about manifesting techniques by using your feelings/desires to create your dreams. Or worrying about success in a materialist version of ourselves. Learning or bending universal laws for attraction. Processing the emotional body or healing family patterns. As one of my Teacher’s would say – This is child’s play! (honestly, this felt like a punch in the stomach and made me realize I was fucking around or dabbling)

This is about awareness waking up to itself. Where the use of a beginner’s mind is to stay open, not have answers and begin to create that sense of wonderment and magic that life truly is. The connection and truth that pulls us forward into the evolution of self.

Together – WE can wake up must faster than Me.

So, let’s hold hands together and remind each other to breathe!

**The ennegram revealed myself to me. A fierce mirror. Not to worry…my next postings will have more sunshine and beauty in them! or is the saying puppy dogs and rainbows?!

*******************You’ll get a chance to meet Kim Mollenkopf in my next posting…

ABOUT – Chantal Monté

I’m a child of the 60′s. I grew up in the Bay Area in a suburb just outside San Francisco. The Mecca for free love, fairy dancing and mind altering drugs, where creativity, freedom, and love were paramount. People believed in each other, wanted to know what was beyond what the mind could conceive or eyes see, beyond this reality. They believed in being open – open hearted, open minded and community. Sharing the love. It was a time of extensive exploration and discovery combined with artistic expression. Every moment a dance with life. This freedom of expression and lifestyle was very influential for me. Read More… 

www.chantalmonte.com

While in the devotion of serving yourself

what is lost?

and what is found?

If we’re all living in ourselves and mistaking it for life, then we’re devaluing and desensitizing life.” Thandie Newton

by Lisa Erickson at MommyMystic.com

I thought this would be an easy post to write as the canyon country of the U.S. southwest is my spiritual home – the place that resonates most deeply with my being. But in fact as I sat down I felt at a rare loss for words, and went in search of quotes from other (better) writers to help. I’m not really sure I can add anything to the quotes and pictures above, but I will try, as I do believe in the power of words to express the inexpressible (a koan for you!)

I’ve written about Nature Mysticism before – the ways mystics from all different spiritual traditions have related to nature, and the peace, beauty, and balance that time in nature brings out in us. I’ve also written about Planet Earth’s Chakras – a post I wrote just for fun and never imagined would become so popular. I also recently came across an interesting article about a research project on the healing powers of nature, which (among other things) confirmed that even just looking at pictures of nature can benefit your health. So even if the words in this post do nothing for you, hopefully the pictures will!

What I really want to talk about today is the magical gateways nature offers us – the places where the ‘veils between the worlds’ are thin, and we can slip through. This is the shaman’s art; and yes I know the word ‘shaman’ has been co-opted and romanticized and perhaps abused, but for the purposes of this post, I hope you will allow me to use it, as I do so with the greatest respect.

READ MORE from Mommy Mystic…

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Lisa from Mommy Mystic really got me thinking…here’s my comment:

I love, love, love this post!!! You’ve already taken away – my breath, my imagination, my awareness – with this sharing and discussion of portals, shamans, and enlightenment. These other worlds of what’s beyond us and what’s always right here on earth.

You’re a woman after my own heart with your words of fire. For me, when I hear you speak or read your writing, you clear illusion and move us beyond the veils and into the dimension of “being”. Simply being and turning inward, breathing in a deep breath and becoming presence. So simple yet not easy.

Presence IS the doorway or gateway and we can also find it in the canyons, mountaintops, rivers, and deserts.

As you know, Bali is my true home! This is an island of deep dimensions and portals of light and also very real and grounded in Life. These energies have been created over thousands of years by the people who make offerings to the Gods, those who speak into the different dimensions and pull them in or down into this reality, and those who are connected and aligned with the heavens. This is a way of life for the Balinese, not a concept or perspective.

Bali shows me gateways, portals, dimensions, and how to walk in-between the worlds. Bali offers a full spectrum of light to shine through. Her people show me wholeness and connection. They know with their entire being that the universe is alive – inside of them and outside of them – there is no separation between the two. Bali is a master at showing the complete circle between life and death, between spiritual and everyday existence, between nature and humans.

Wanna travel with me to Bali?! LOL Let’s GO!!!

“For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel, looking, looking, breathlessly.” ~ don Juan

I’m a child of the 60′s. I grew up in the Bay Area in a suburb just outside San Francisco. The Mecca for free love, fairy dancing and mind altering drugs, where creativity, freedom, and love were paramount. People believed in each other, wanted to know what was beyond what the mind could conceive or eyes see, beyond this reality. They believed in being open – open hearted, open minded and community. Sharing the love. It was a time of extensive exploration and discovery combined with artistic expression. Every moment a dance with life. This freedom of expression and lifestyle was very influential for me. Read More… 

www.chantalmonte.com

I’ve always thought that once I touched self-realization, the Divine, in it’s pure form that I would be wide awake and have reached Nirvana – completely and totally - in an instant. (A girl can dream, right?!) This has happened to a few – where they merge with complete bliss. And while I am present with this expansive state of essence or presence and it continues to open, Life has become sharper – in the sense that what I experience and see have become more defined.

To die to the old ways. To awaken to the new. To awaken. To die. This takes vigilance to recognize the traps and disguises, the tall tales, the stickiness of the ego and personality.

There’s a vast playground of essence for all of this to fall into, to get absorbed and washed clean. And yet, I have a push and pull motion between fear and desire. The fear of a ME drowning in this infinite space and the desire to swim in an ocean of ecstasy.

When I imagine swimming, my heart and mind open up to this vast ocean. Thoughts dissipate – become quiet with their analogies, apologies, insights, observations, distractions, perceptions, objectifications, and cleverness…the mind is this busy!

And when I stand on the edge of the abyss and look into this pool of wonderment, my conscious mind becomes rampant with theories, what’s to know, what is it, how, why, when. And yet, while I write this, I can clearly see this fear is unwarranted. The mind remains true to itself. Holding on the edge of the pool and looking to see what it can find before it dives in. Always wanting more answers. The mind is never satisfied.

It’s time to surrender and be vigilant.

This is the fire of desire.

***********************

I wrote this in my personal journal after an incredible Enneagram session with Sahaja. I haven’t participated in any type of reading in years and was recently gifted two of them!! The Enneagram is a tool for awakening and discovering who you truly are. Sahaja can show you the way! contact her here: EMAIL

The Enneagram is used as a tool for self discovery – discovering who you truly are! An example is:

When a fixation appears, it is an opportunity to make a choice and not to fulfill it. Beneath that, there is a natural motion or drive toward movement and dropping through into an experience for the true nourishment of the Shakti energy underneath. In true being, you have the opportunity to bring that creative energy to your endeavours.

 

I’m a child of the 60′s. I grew up in the Bay Area in a suburb just outside San Francisco. The Mecca for free love, fairy dancing and mind altering drugs, where creativity, freedom, and love were paramount. People believed in each other, wanted to know what was beyond what the mind could conceive or eyes see, beyond this reality. They believed in being open – open hearted, open minded and community. Sharing the love. It was a time of extensive exploration and discovery combined with artistic expression. Every moment a dance with life. This freedom of expression and lifestyle was very influential for me. Read More… 

www.chantalmonte.com

This morning I’m sitting in my chair – the one I sit in every morning and meditate, dream, write, open, travel, discover and check in with the different aspects of myself and life itself. A place where I practice self-inquiry.

I also check my computer, the splendid emails I receive, what’s new and hip in the online world. And begin to feel myself getting pulled into another world. A world of information. And then wham, I felt it. Wide open. I realized it…

I don’t want more information! It’s endless and it feeds a part of me that already feels full. Do I really need another lesson, another perspective on the 10 best ways to improve my business, the top 5 yoga poses, 3 tips for creating my dreams.

I want to experience life. I want to be filled up in the moment (fulfillment). I want my heart to open, I want to feel my feelings, my love, my compassion, my wisdom.

I want to fly.

Experiences will give me all of this. This is where we learn about ourselves. The raw experience without judgement. This is how we learn and get to know what we are made of.

If it’s difficult, do we do it with grace or anger? Without knowing the outcome and trusting it anyway? The difficulties stretch us.

And if it’s beautiful, too beautiful for words, do we acknowledge it and expand it, or are we quickly moving into the next thing. Constantly looking for more beauty, more enhancement?

Guide me. Show me. Teach me with your presence. Your imperfect humanness. Show me who you are without saying a word. In the quiet moment of your body language I can feel myself open to you. Wanting to feel and understand. To connect. To share. To laugh. To forget everything else but what is in this moment of time, as if nothing else mattered. Because right now, NOW is all there is. I am not in the future yet. I am here. With you. I am turned on by this experience of Life.

Making love with this moment.

ABOUT – Chantal Monté

I’m a child of the 60′s. I grew up in the Bay Area in a suburb just outside San Francisco. The Mecca for free love, fairy dancing and mind altering drugs, where creativity, freedom, and love were paramount. People believed in each other, wanted to know what was beyond what the mind could conceive or eyes see, beyond this reality. They believed in being open – open hearted, open minded and community. Sharing the love. It was a time of extensive exploration and discovery combined with artistic expression. Every moment a dance with life. This freedom of expression and lifestyle was very influential for me. Read More… 

www.chantalmonte.com

Today is ANZAC day in Australia and New Zealand, originally a day to honor the soldiers who fought and died at Gallipoli in the First World War. It now more broadly commemorates all those who have served and died in military operations. It is a day where people traditionally reflect on war.

Today I reflect on the potential to end all war if each and every one of us were to take responsibility, and meet our own versions of internal wars that we play out with others externally in our individual lives. Listen to the stories you are telling yourself and deeply question their validity. If each of us turned within and made the choice to experience the fire of the anger, fear and rage and discover what is the source underneath them, without acting out any aggression against another being…the potential is peace.

The projection of emotional anger and hatred is every bit as effective as a .303 bullet when that energy is fired into the emotional field of another. For those who are sensitive, that emotional energy can even have a physical bodily sensation of pain.

I invite every person to let their anger burn internally, in their own sacred fire of inquisition. For that moment of inquiry if you drop any story you are telling yourself, and with a quiet mind directly experience the energy without even a label for the emotion. Be open to the possibility of finding something completely unexpected as you drop through each layer of revealed flavour of emotional energy till you reach, if you can, the limit.
May all beings discover the peace at their core….person by person the peace can spread.

Loving you all, Sahaja

Sahaja

Are you one of the many people around the world listening to, or joining in to The Shift Network’s activities to birth a new era and evolution of conscious living on this Earth on 22 Dec 2012?

‘Conception Day’ last month was huge, and this week held the ‘activation call’. Barbara Marx Hubbard spoke of..”We’re at the precipice of something big in our evolution. Evolution does make jumps and we’re at that precipice now. I say this again and again that “our crisis is a birth.” This means the crises we face are the evolutionary drivers — or “labor pains” — leading to the emergence of a new beginning, a new template for humanity. And that collective birth is literally coming into being through each of us. We each need to live it in a vital, creative and engaged way… in community with other pioneering souls.”

Throughout much of the call I experienced terror as I recognised that there is a new birth happening in this form that is part of the collective changes on the planet. A rebirth into living from my true nature, unveiled from egoic identity. Living from the Heart. With this there are new challenges and fresh engagement with people, so many unknowns….and yet it is such a rich opening and opportunity, rich in the potential for growing love and peace on this planet, and a return to greater respect, caring and nurturing our precious environment. ‘Births’ of many kinds can bring mortal terror, but in welcoming it, opening to it, it is full of the enlivening creative energy of existence. I would invite anyone experiencing terror at the doorway of change, to open to it without resistance, and keep walking through that door. It may lead to something that you could never have imagined for yourself, for those that you interact with in your life, and influence beyond the mind’s knowing.

Sahaja

Born as Janine Jaeger in 1967, I spent my years up to the age of 32 living as a false identity and suffering. I was disillusioned with my behaviour and beliefs and I wanted to know who I was, hence began the search that became my primary focus in life. Completely unexpectedly, in 2003, who I Am was revealed in a spontaneous event of Grace that dramatically changed my circumstances. Now the life of this form is surrendered to the source from which it both arises and is infused with. With the help of my teachers Gangaji and Eli Jaxon-Bear, I live in devotion to That (Life, Love, Consciousness, etc), and the ongoing recognition of the ‘hooks’ that take my attention from that eternal, silent, presence. Being a true friend to myself and the world:- empty, aware, love.

http://www.janinejaeger.com/

Birthdays can be tough. When you’re a kid, if you’re lucky, they’re fantastical days- days all about people appreciating you and eating cake. These days are doled out once a year, in a very democratic fashion (everyone gets one, and everyone’s counts the same.) Once you reach a certain age (13, 18, 21, 30? 72??) they stop becoming days that you await for in giddy anticipation. They become days you partly dread because of the inevitable “Assessment of Your Life Thus Far” factor birthdays can carry with them. And also because of the plain old reminder that you are getting older- which inherently is NOT a bad thing, despite our American culture’s insane adherence to denial of simple Cycle of Life Truth in favor of agism and obsession with wanting to look perpetually 14. (Sans acne and braces of course.)

But we certainly don’t like getting older. Don’t like death. Don’t like thinking about it- don’t want to admit it’s around every turn. We have no relationship with it, as do some older cultures. Some Asian, European, South American, African, Middle-Eastern cultures that have been around much longer, and frankly, despite the wrinkles and unsightly cellulite are BETTER for their age because of a sort of wide-spread cultural wisdom that has been cultivated and passed down over the centuries. (I mean, for example, come on, we all know that taking siestas in the middle of the day is just plain genius. Makes everyone chill more. Makes you live longer. Probably better for business in the end. Why can’t we adopt The 4:00 Nap into the cultural fabric of American daily life?) Now, before I go spinning off into Romanticizing That Which Is Not Me (which I’m grandly talented at) I’ll say no more on this. Well, other than to paint with my big brush and say American culture IS about 14 years old. We are the whiny gangly teenage culture of the world driven by pure id and ego. Determined to be popular and important. We make rash decisions. We use up huge amounts of resources irresponsibly. We always want more, and believe we DESERVE more. We are in general a loud, fast, self-righteous bunch.

Myself included! I’m as American as they come.

So now it’s time to offer up a story of a contrasting culture. If only because here on my 41st birthday, I am so acutely aware that I could use a little of this contrast in my daily life. And I so deeply wish that this was a tale not told TO me by my fabulous,vibrant yoga-master neighbor as she was sitting in my kitchen sipping coffee yesterday, but that it was a little event I had actually experienced myself. Alas, I did not live it, but I can blog it.

Kathy (as I will call her, though that is not her name. Actually, wait, she doesn’t look anything like a Kathy.) Veronica went to India seven years ago before she got married and gave birth to her daughte–I mean son. I mean porpoise. Oh, screw the anonymity attempt- this is not an embarrassing story for Veronica at all.

So, Veronica goes to India. Stays for three months. Tells me yesterday in the kitchen, the culture shock was so grave for her at first that she didn’t sleep for 2 weeks. (And this is a YOGA instructor I’m talking about- did I make that clear? She’s about as zen and healthy and flexible inside and out as they come.) Because the rhythms are all different. It’s so loud and boisterous and pulsing- there’s no such thing as personal space. Not much personal hygiene as we know and are obsessed with. Not much in the way of neurosis that many of us spend trillions of dollars discussing in clean quiet spaces with clean quiet well-dressed individuals who will not physically get in your face as much of India will, apparently, when you are walking down the street simply trying to find a place to buy incense.

Veronica was equally, immediately thrilled and disgusted to be there, she told me. Amazed at the colors and the sounds and the ancient hold everything seemed to have on her. The crumbling slums, the savagely dangerous rickshaw taxis. They knew she was a foreigner (well, alongside her very American looking frame and face,) her energy in those first two weeks seemed to scream- Come at me with Anything Sellable! Swarm me with your beautiful amber, curry-scented limbs lifting up sari cloth and beaded doo-dads and ritual icons! She was overwhelmed. Nauseated and overwhelmed.

Veronica said it wasn’t until buying the ticket for the 2:00 bus, that she was really able to derail her American-ness and start to surrender into what was to become an amazing, life-changing Indian trip. One morning she wakes up early and walks the 40 minutes through all the beautiful amber curry scented limbs (and cobblestone streets and whiffs of rotting garbage and roaming animals etc) to the bus depot where she buys a ticket for the 2:00 bus to get out of town on an excursion. Where? I ask. Doesn’t matter. She doesn’t remember. Just that it was the 2:00 bus. “May I have a ticket for the 2:00 bus?” she asks in American English. The ticket seller replies “Certainly” in that gorgeously broken UK English that we all know well from Peter Sellars’ hilarious rendition of it in “The Party.” Or from watching any Merchant Ivory production that takes place in India. Or some Comedy Central special where the comic is mimicking someone akin to Apu from the Quikie Mart.

Veronica buys the ticket and walks the 40 minutes back to where she is staying for some breakfast and a Chai. Then, come 1pm, she takes the journey back to the depot to wait for her bus. When she gets there around 1:35, she sees no one there- other then the same ticket seller. No one waiting for the bus. No bus to be found. She is the only one there. She waits for 10 or maybe 15 minutes before approaching the ticket seller and asks “Excuse me, where is the 2:00 bus?” Only to be informed by Apu, “Oh- there is no 2:00 bus today.” “But you sold me a ticket for the 2:00 bus- see- it says right here.” He looks and nods, smiling a bit. “Yes- but there is no 2:00 bus today.” At which point Veronica gets a little angry and says “Well- when WILL the 2:00 bus get here?” At which point Apu, the ticket seller, throws back his head and laughs. Not in a derisive, mocking way, but only as if he’d just heard the best joke in the entire world, and is simply enjoying the moment. “There IS NO 2:00 bus today,” he finally manages after wiping his eyes from the tears.

Veronica left in a huff. Incredibly put-out. How DARE she be treated this way? How DARE there not be a 2:00 bus! It said so right on the schedule! How could he LAUGH at her? She wanted to tell him about how she had braved the trip up and back to the bus depot on foot, now for the fourth time to avoid getting killed in a rickshaw taxi, and then decided better of it, perhaps beginning to wisely understand that her story would only cause confusion or worse (better) another peal of belly-gut laughter from Apu. The crazier the moment, the bigger the laughter, it appeared.

Veronica was starting to learn her lesson. The next day she braved the journey again, and returned to the depot- this time asking, “Excuse me, will there be any buses today?” To which the seller replied with a huge grin “Yes indeed.” She then asked “When will they be arriving?” to which she was informed “There will be a 5:00 bus today.” “Great. Then I will buy a ticket for the 5:00 bus. Thank you.” The money was exchanged, and then both of them broke into enormous laughter. Veronica left- came back later that day and boarded the 5:00 bus which pulled out of the station somewhere around 6:12pm. The 9:00pm bus that brought her back to the city pulled in somewhere between 11:30 and 12. She returned to her hotel and slept splendidly that night- as she did for the remainder of her Indian vacation.

Now, some small details of that story were fictionalized. Veronica gave me the basic outline for the tale, and I filled in some stuff here and there. But I love this story. It’s my favorite story I’ve heard all year. And I think it has to do with the message it contains about surrendering to the world around you. About being a part of the world, and integrated into that world- but not trying to mold that world to your whims and needs. About just going for the ride (whenever it leaves) and enjoying the new, interesting human and non- human world around you along the way. Veronica said that the Indians she met were so amazing at being present in the here and now. They didn’t adhere to expectation like she and her American friends. They were far more patient, in the long run, less stressed, more in the flow of the life around them. No need to paddle the boat- just be in it.

An interesting reminder for me on the eve of my 42nd time around the sun. Now, at age 41, I am officially in my 40′s. I have officially crossed over into what those who label such things like to call “middle age.” Well, I think the middle of everything is almost always the best (“Empire Strikes Back.”) I’m always striving to be in the middle on almost all accounts. Trying for balance. Striving for groundedness and purposeful surrender into my powerlessness. Bring it on.

And though the thought of sitting in a humid, dirty Indian bus depot for hours waiting for a bus to potentially arrive and take me somewhere where I’ve never been almost makes the control freak in me break out in hives, I inherently know how much I need that kind of surrender to the greater forces outside of myself. About how I am a part of it all, and yet in charge of none of it. And maybe then I don’t actually have to live that long annoying nauseating wait. (Though I desperately wish I could hear Apu’s laugh.) Maybe living that moment vicariously with Veronica in my kitchen is enough.

Happy Birthday To Me.

Holly Long

Actress. Singer. Musician. Songwriter. Comedienne. Yogi. Wife. Mommy. Nutjob. All these monikers apply to Chicago-bred, California-based artist Holly Long. 4 albums, 2 kids and 1 frightening brush with death has bred in her a depth, a humility and a smart-ass wit which she hopes to now deliver in her blogging world. Wielding her butterfly net to catch the muses in word and song, Holly shares as much a love for fashion and design as she does for all genres of music, drinking too much coffee, and Christopher Guest movies. She is an arcing conundrum, an ever-moving target, a hopefully evolving higher life form. And like the first fish who eons ago flopped its fins out upon the shore, and decided to grow some legs, Holly just wants to find some other newly-legged friends to share her musings about land dwelling. And maybe teach her how to do the moonwalk. www.hollylong.com